Now, I Heal (treatments are done)
Hello, my friends,
Well, yesterday I completed the seven-week program that consisted of six chemotherapy and thirty-five radiation treatments. I have so much to say about the ordeal, and I will get to much of it, but I flipped the switch for now. Yesterday when I rang that bell, I immediately changed my life mode if you may. I went from 'stay the course, survive, this is what it takes' to:
"Now, I Heal"
As depleted both physically and emotionally as I am, I need to suck it up even more now and assist my body as it slowly recognizes that all it had endured is now over. Because of my spirituality, recharging emotionally will not be as difficult as getting back to normal physically will be. I am 150lbs, I have to try to eat through my mouth again in hopes of removing the feeding tube, and I may need a prosthetic of some sort to cover the whole in the back of my mouth which sends water up and out through my nose. I have to work on this daily all while my body still experiences the lingering effects of the radiation. I plan on moving my body as much as possible by taking walks and continuing my twice-weekly workout sessions via Facetime with my personal trainer, my brother Frankie. I still have follow-up visits with my doctors both at MSK in Middletown, and NYC in March as well as a CT scan. Hopefully, I will have gained strength and weight by the time these appointments roll around, and be making positive strides all around as I tiptoe back into life.
So, do I want to look back?
Not really. I shared much of the unpleasantries in my prior blogs, but as 'That Oneness Guy' I'm always looking to help wherever I can. Throughout my ordeal, my doctors kept saying 'how good' I was doing. Most of the time when they said that, it went in one ear and out the other because, in my world, I was in living Hell. So, what was I doing, or what have I done to make these doctors come to such conclusions? Although I am only a day removed physically, I am already a lifetime removed spiritually, and I can look back with certainty on the following. From the physical perspective, I know for sure that by keeping my body moving throughout the ordeal, I was able to limit many of the side effects that come along with cancer treatments. Through walking as much as I can and working out as I mentioned above, I kept my blood and body parts moving and kept any form of atrophy at bay. As hard as it was at times, I forced myself to move. I guess it's part of my childhood and that old athlete mentality being raised in Bricktown, NJ (those who know, know). From the spiritual perspective, it was a matter of holding on to what I 'know', not what I believe, but what I know. I knew that the cancer was not me. That I am a spiritual being (not a physical one), and that cancer is not part of my essence. This was the foundation of the will that I knew I would need to get through an ordeal like this. I knew that I am love and that the continued outpouring of love sent my way through prayers and well-wishes was only adding to that love. My will to live was fueled by my will to love. An example of that was simply observing my wife Andrea through this entire process. Her unwavering commitment to care for me and love me all while maintaining her business and our home just filled my soul with love and gratitude. So, as I enter my healing phase, it's safe to say that I will still place my focus on moving my body, and accepting and sharing all forms of love.
So, how can I help?
I am going to be using this "Now, I Heal" mantra of mine in the form of a hashtag: #nowiheal
Through social media posts, and with your help, I would like to start sharing the mantra and hashtag in the hopes of finding those individuals who, like me, are facing a critical moment in their lives when it is paramount to place healing first. Many of us are blessed to never come across such a moment in our lives, but there are millions around the world who need to address their personal healing NOW! Here are some of the examples I've thought of what people might need to heal from:
ADDICTION / CHRONIC ILLNESS / LOSS OF A LOVED ONE / RELATIONSHIP / EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL ABUSE
These are just a few, but I know there are more. Maybe you know someone who's going through one of these? Maybe it's you? With something as simple as a phone call, or a text we can reach a person in need. They might not know the signs, but you will. Have a discussion and share the importance of healing with them. Make them aware that they come first, and that they are love and loved. Tell them the first step in receiving help is in knowing (not believing) that they deserve it because they are love and loved. Get in their grill! Have them repeat after you:
"I may have suffered, but Now, I Heal"
I thank you again for all of your love and support in the most trying time of my life,
In Love, Light and Oneness,
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